HOME AT LAST!!!!!

As you all know, we have spent the past few weeks down at Primary Children's Hospital. I know that my sisters have been filling you in with updates, but many of you are curious to know the whole story so here it goes. Finley was born a few weeks early on July 17, a healthy and happy baby! She was a whopping 7lb's 1 ounce and 21 inches long. I had gone into labor on the fifteenth and due to the lack of dilation I was sent home until we went back in on the seventeenth and had our beautiful baby girl. We brought her home and I felt like we were living a dream with three healthy, beautiful children. Into the second week of Fins life I started noticing her coloring was a little off. She almost had a blue tint to her. She was also breathing really funny. Of coarse I thought I was being paranoid , but decided to take her in anyway. They said she was as healthy as a whistle and not to worry. We went home and that's when things started getting worse. Finley was projectile vomiting after every feeding, and her coloring started to turn a definite shade of blue. It looked like she would stop breathing for short periods of time, but they kept telling me she was fine and probably just fighting a bit of a cold! By this time we had been to the pediatricians 4 times that week, but every time I would hear the same thing," she is perfectly healthy." In my doctors defense, she really didn't show any of these symptoms during the appointment. Each time I went in, her coloring was good and her vitals were 100% perfect. I couldn't understand why I was having such a hard time believing everything was okay. I thought I was crazy, and maybe a little sleep deprived. I was reassured that I wasn't just paranoid because when ever anyone would hold her they would say, " she almost looks blue," or "she is breathing really fast!" It would make me panic all over again. I didn't want to sleep in case she stopped breathing. She was dropping her weight and was still vomiting every time she ate. The apnea spells kept getting worse. On Saturday morning I had been up all night trying to get her to eat anything. I was sobbing in frustration, I knew there was something more to it than a little bug, but I was confused. When i picked her up to feed her around eight in the morning, she was so cold. She was wrapped in two warm blankets and it was a really warm night, so again I started balling and called the doctor for yet another visit. I fed her and prayed she would keep it down, but again she threw it all up. After she threw it up, she quit breathing. It wasn't holding her breath or periodic breathing that babies sometimes do, she was completely lifeless in my arms. I still can't explain all of the feelings and thoughts that went through my mind. I screamed to Chris and he saw it as well. We had to stimulate her to get her to breathe again. Finally she took a breathe, her coloring came back and she appeared to be breathing normally. I was so angry, why was she only having these spells at home, and why wasn't any one worried? We took her in right away. We had debated the E.R. but decided that the pediatrician was more specialized in child care and gave it one more shot. This time I wasn't taking "she is fine for an answer"! We rushed her in and right as we got there she quit breathing again. I ran sobbing with her in my arms and the doctors quickly checked her vitals. I saw panic on his face and he started to work with her to get her to breath again. Before we even got the oxygen on her, the ambulance was there. We took her across the street to the E.R. and this is when the whirlwind of emotions started for our little family. They put her on a high flow of oxygen to keep her stats up and hooked her up to monitors and I.V's. I hated feeling so helpless. She had several other episodes and that's when they decided that they weren't equipped for this and life flighted me and the baby to Primary Children's in Utah. Chris rushed home and threw a few things together and headed for Utah to meet us. We didn't get to explain anything to the kids or even let them know where we were going. The last thing they saw was an ambulance rushing to the pediatricians and there baby being hurried off to the E.R. My mom and sister met us at the hospital and took the kids. Chandler understood that something was wrong, but didn't know what? I hate that they had to see all of this. As soon as we got to Utah, she was rushed up to the fourth floor, which was the NICU and surgical unit. They did some more tests poked and prodded and then her stats started dropping again. Then they rushed us down stairs to the PICU where it was more intensive care and put her on the highest flow of oxygen. We were one step away from being on a respirator. I have never felt so hopeless at any time in my life and seeing all of the other children down there made it worse. They were all just barely clinging on to life and it is the most depressing place I think I have ever been. They hooked her up to more machines and started antibiotics to cover all the bases. She was on about seven different antibiotics, I.V. fluids, High flow Oxygen and they were suspecting spinal Meningitis. From then on we just watched as they tested, poked and prodded our sweet baby girl. She was so bad that when they put in her I.V. she didn't even move or cry. It was so hard to find a good vein because of how tiny they were. They had already tried three times before finding a good vein in Idaho Falls and now they were trying again here. I knew it had to be done, but I wanted to rip all of the cords and I.V.'s off and tell everyone to leave her alone. My poor baby looked so miserable. We were in the PICU for several nights and slowly all of the test results were all coming back negative. They did diagnose a severe case of reflux. She had aspirated her food up so many times and had inhaled so much acid into her lungs, that hey described it like a scab covering her lungs. The reflux still didn't explain her chest x-ray. They expected some type of Pneumonia but it wasn't clear. Usually there are definite splotches that indicate Pneumonia, but hers was just foggy everywhere which didn't make sense to them. She slowly started to fight off whatever foreign thing was in her lungs and showed signs of improvement. They were able to ween her slowly down on the oxygen and put a feeding tube in to help her gain calories. The worst part about the feeding tube is that they get the benefit of calories but the tube completely bypasses the stomach so she never got the satisfaction of being full. They came up with all kinds of possible diagnosis's from meningitis to her feeding and breathing tubes being connected, to her esophagus having a whole in it and needed to be repaired, to her organs being in the wrong place, but again slowly one by one all of the new tests were coming back negative. It was so nice to hear that she didn't need surgery, but we were frustrated that we still didn't know what else was causing such severe episodes. Soon They moved us back upstairs where it was a little less scary, and one step closer to going home. We were happy to leave the PICU, but sad to see so many of the families we had talked with and gotten to know still have to stay there. One family wasn't expecting there four year old to even make it. they had already been there for several months and I can't tell you how sad it was to see them everyday, constantly by there sons side and not knowing whether or not he was going to make it. They had him on a respirator and on the highest form of everything they could do. Sweet little Jackson had already survived cancer and now he was going through an infection spread throughout his body! He is a strong boy and we still pray for him and his family each and every day. Another little boy Daxton had been there for three months and was waiting for a heart. he was only four months old and was barely holding on. His family was so optimistic and positive. I loved there attitude and energy, it really helped me be more positive. One more story that I will never forget was a conversation I overheard when I was in the nursing room. An overly excited mother was talking to her husband over the phone. She said, " honey I have terrific news. The baby has almost doubled her birth weight, she is now three lbs. and they said we can possibly go home in two months, if not definitely on her due date!" I think I sat there crying for another hour before I could move! Hearing these stories were so humbling and made me feel so selfish for complaining about being there for a few weeks. My heart hurts for those families and they are in our thoughts and prayers constantly. It was definitely a humbling experience. The encouragement from all of the nurses, doctors, and families really helped us to stay positive. Finley was still showing signs of improvement everyday and it made us so hopeful. They finally decided to test for bacterial Pneumonia, they called it "air Pneumonia" which she could have caught from anyone. Someone could have not even shown signs of a cold and because of the severity of her lungs she picked it up and it caused pneumonia. They were pretty sure that this isn't what she had, because they said most cases are so clear and the baby usually can't fight it off on there own. They said she would most likely have been on the respirator and in much worse condition. When the test results came back, it was positive. They could finally pin point something and treat it so that she would only get better. They were in awe that she was doing so well with this type of pneumonia on top of her burnt lungs. We know it is all of the blessings and prayers from all of our friends, family, and perfect strangers that made the difference. I can't tell you how grateful I am for the power of the priesthood in my life and for the power of prayer and faith. I am so thankful for such good family and friends. I feel that saying thank you is entirely inadequate for everything that everyone has done for our family. I wish there were some way for me to repay all of the things you have all done for us. We can't put into words how much love we have felt these past few weeks. It was the visits, phone calls, letters, gifts ,cards, generous donations, people taking care of my yard and house, prayers, blessings, meals and much much more that kept us going, and kept us hopeful that everything was going to be okay. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!!! I know I could never thank everyone enough for the support that we have felt, but please know how truly blessed we feel to live in such a great and giving community! There is no where else that we would rather be! We love you all and feel so blessed to be home again. Finley is still on oxygen and her lungs are slowly improving. She is still so fragile and can easily catch sicknesses so we aren't having many visitors. She is such a champ and is getting stronger everyday. She has almost gained a pound since her birth weight and we are starting to see her cute double chin again! She will have to take two medicines for the first year of her life, and possibly the rest of her life if the reflux doesn't get better and we have had to make a few adjustments to her lifestyle because of the reflux. It is all manageable and worth it for the health of our sweet baby girl! We love you all and are so happy to be home!